


Breakthrough Over Breakfast

by SamJoinedtheReconCorps



Series: A Flame in the Shadows [21]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Again, Angst, Light Hurt/Comfort, M/M, because obviously they're gonna, hand holding, post ep 91, spellwork as flirting, spoilers for ep 97, spoilers for the wildemount fireside chat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:26:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23418952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamJoinedtheReconCorps/pseuds/SamJoinedtheReconCorps
Summary: The Mighty Nein come over for breakfast at Essek's place and Essek helps Caleb and Nott figure out the last pieces of the spell that will hopefully get Nott's body back.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Series: A Flame in the Shadows [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1648909
Comments: 20
Kudos: 115





	Breakthrough Over Breakfast

**Author's Note:**

> heyyy guys, sorry its been a few days, the quarantine and all the bad news kinda got to me and had some of my anxiety acting up, so I took some time to just kinda screw my head back onto my shoulders and feel a little more settled with myself - mental health days are super important y'all!! And I also started classes (online since my university shut their doors to help fight off the spread of the virus) so that was something I was getting set up yesterday too
> 
> but worry not!! I've been writing this entire time because writing helps soothe my nerves, and while the transcribing process does take like ten years writing makes everything feel better, and when I get the chance in the late night hours it just helps tons
> 
> this fic was lots of fun to write, lots of introspection, less alcohol to blame it on ;) so I really hope you guys like it!!!

The following morning came by in a rush of cleaning and tidying up. His towers were always clean, with a housekeeper coming around a couple of days out of the week to clean things, and with only himself living there there was never too big a mess. But this morning found him almost compulsively moving things around, trying to make things just right for when they were to arrive for breakfast. When his chef, Nathrae, arrived for the day, he instructed her to get things ready to have guests for breakfast, ensuring to get some tea brewed for Caduceus and to pour out a glass of milk for Jester, and she had smiled in surprise, nodding that everything would be prepared to his satisfaction.

By the time he figured that the Mighty Nein would be waking up - the time that he figured would be a full sleep cycle for them, which was longer than his elven trance - he eagerly awaited their arrival, flitting back and forth around the ground floor of his central tower to kill the time.

When midmorning came, he figured that maybe  _ now _ they would be waking up - who knew how long their night at the Xhorhaus had lasted after Caleb and Beauregard had walked him home. They wouldn’t be long, he was sure.

As soon the clock began to near noon, Essek found himself in his lab, locked away amongst his books and components. They weren’t going to come.

Which was why Essek stilled completely when Jester’s voice rang out. “ _ Hey, Essek - we’re out front of your house! _ ” Jester chimed in. “ _ Um, we’re just wondering if you want have breakfast with us in your house and also take -” _

He pauses in his writing, feeling himself exhale a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “ _ I-I was wondering, ah, whether or not you were going to stop by today, um _ ,” he trails off, getting up from his work table and heading for the door, getting out onto the walkway that connects this tower to the next. Down below he can see the Mighty Nein, with Beauregard and Yasha waving up at him.

Giving them a small wave back, he crosses to his main tower, moving downstairs quickly.

The kitchen door is beneath the stairs, and he peeks inside, catching sight of Nathrae where she was washing the dishes she’d used to cut and cook things. She had all the ingredients prepared for over two dozen small breakfast sandwiches, just waiting to be assembled.

“They’ve arrived,” he told her.

She turned, giving him a nod over her shoulder. “Oh, alright. I’ll have everything ready in -”

Essek pulled out the piece of obsidian he kept in his pocket, thinking of the spell he wanted as he created the slash in the air. His Echo materialized from the shadows that fell from the tear, turning to Essek and tilting his head to the side - and even though it was just an Echo, just a spell, Essek had the acute feeling of being read, his thoughts and feelings on display. As a spell of his own creation, Essek figured that maybe the Echo was intimately attuned with him - but now more than ever it seemed like it was intimately attuned with his emotions more than anything.

“Help her,” he ordered it, trying to avoid the way his shadowy double gave him a knowing look. “Follow her instructions along with the  _ servant _ .”

Giving Essek a nod, the Echo created a sigil in the air of his own, and with a gentle gust of wind, Essek knew that his Echo had cast  _ unseen servant _ successfully.

Nathrae set a cutting board on the drying rack, drying her hands on the washcloth she had off to the side. “Shadowhand, it is -”

“They’ll listen to any instruction you give them, let me know if you need anything else,” he rushed out, ready to head to the front door.

Before he turned around, a hesitant hand to his arm stopped him. He looked back, looking into Nathrae’s kind face, older than him by maybe a century. “Don’t be nervous. They’ll enjoy breakfast.”

“I -” Essek started, before he cut himself off, nodding. “Thank you,” he told her.

“Now go, before you keep them waiting - I’ll have everything ready in a few minutes,” she assured him.

“Thank you,” he repeated, turning back one last time, looking at his Echo and at the vague space he presumed the  _ unseen servant _ was. “Listen to her,” he told them again, before ducking out of the kitchen.

He stopped right in front of his front door, running his hands over the nonexistent creases of his mantle and fixing his hair before going outside. He waves a hand, opening the gate as Veth and Jester cheer.

“Come, come,” he greets, welcoming them to his home. “Ah, allow me to -”

“Sorry, we are late,” Caleb quickly apologizes, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck as he steps forward, coming in past the gate behind Veth and Jester.

“Oh, it is alright,” Essek assures him, but the apology makes Essek feel much, much better than he had all morning. They didn’t forget, they just got caught up in their own doings - and they cared, Caleb cared, enough to apologize about it. He looked around at the group, feeling more at ease now. “I do have some food prepared as a, ah, return favor for the delicious dinner. Thank you, Caduceus,” he finished, nodding to Caduceus. He began to drift towards his front door. “Ah, this way please.”

“Yay!” Jester grins, skipping in behind him.

They all follow him inside, and the quiet murmur at his decor and furniture bolsters Essek’s spirits even more.

“Very modern,” Caduceus comments, his eyes following the glass steps that jut out of the stone wall, leading up and up into the tower.

“Whoa - ultramodernist, got to say,” Jester readily agrees.

He smiles at that, watching as they continue to look around before he realizes he hadn’t set up where they were going to sit. He had no idea how he missed that.

“A-allow me to - to g- ah, take care of this for you,” he stutters out, rather flustered at his slip up, rushing through the incantation and drawing out the glyph to  _ telekinesis _ . He waves a hand, drawing in all the chairs that had served as nothing more than decoration at that point, arranging them in a comfortable circle, with a small table getting pulled to sit in the center.

“Caleb, you should learn to do that,” Jester whispers to Caleb, right as Essek is finishing his arrangement. “That’s really impressive.”

“Um, ah, I-I can do an approximation of it, but it's a little more herky-jerky than that,” Caleb responds, meeting Essek’s gaze when Essek turns to him.

“Big cat paw, like, pushes it over,” Veth says, miming the movement of Caleb’s  _ Cat’s Ire _ .

Essek remembers the first time he’d seen that spell, Caleb’s response to Essek prompting him to show him something impressive.

Now Essek feels like all Caleb would have to do is grace him with a soft smile and Essek would weak to deny him what he wanted.

Jester nods, “Oh, that’s true, yeah.”

“I will -” Essek starts, backing away from the group as they begin to sit. “I’ll be right back, with the food,” he excuses himself, going back into the kitchen.

He hears the group fall into easy conversation as he steps inside, right as Nathrae is putting the finishing touches on the food.

“All ready,” she tells him, handing him a bottle of wine.

His Echo holds a platter of beautifully prepared sandwiches, some pastry based, some with meat and some with vegetables and mushrooms. The  _ unseen servant _ , Essek guesses, holds a platter as well given that there’s a platter of food just floating beside his Echo, with this one holding a steaming mug of tea and a cool glass of milk along with a small assortment of cookies and cheeses.

“Thank you,” Essek nods, taking both platters. His Echo moves to follow him, but Essek can’t have that - after last night, after everything that he’s been feeling, Essek  _ can’t _ risk his Echo just exposing what he feels. “You stay here and help Nathrae clean up,” Essek instructs him. “The  _ unseen servant _ will help me bring glasses out before returning to help finish here as well.”

Echo Essek frowns, almost as if he’s pouting, but he does as told all the same, moving over to Nathrae who starts giving him rudimentary instructions on where to put things away in the kitchen. A handful of glasses are pulled from a cabinet, and Essek knows it's the  _ unseen servant _ following directions.

Narrowly avoiding a reunion between his Echo and Jester, Essek drifts back out with the  _ servant _ , using a small amount of dunamantic magic to keep the trays balanced. He set them down gently on the table along with the wine.

“Help yourselves,” he invites them, gesturing to the food before taking a seat in the only empty chair that was left - and if it was the one right next to Caleb, well, that was just good luck for him, right? The glasses are set down as well, and the wine even gets poured out - and Essek can only assume that the  _ unseen servant _ has returned to the kitchen as the door softly shuts on its own.

“Ah, s-so - ah,” Essek starts, so, so eloquently. “Um, how do I do this?” he mumbles to himself, looking down at his lap to try and calm his nerves. “How was your day?” he asks, looking around at them.

“Really great so far,” Veth smiles, reaching over to pick up a sandwich. “We did some shopping, some errands - we’re going on a trip.”

“Very nice,” Essek says, hoping that his smile is warm as he returns it.

“Oh, um -” Caduceus begins, looking around at the others.

Caleb picks up on whatever Caduceus seems to be trying to say, turning to Essek. “We’ve arranged, ah - we, we’ve received word of some of the details of this, ah, meeting. It’s -”

“Yeah, they found Vence,” Jester rushes out, picking up her glass of milk.

Essek’s brow raises. “Ah, that is good news.” He picks up a glass of wine. “It appears now both sides have a cultist of some esteem in our midst. That bodes well for the negotiations.”

“Should, should - should I just tell you?” Jester asks, but she doesn’t wait for an answer as she continues, “They said the negotiation’s good to go. Everyone’s getting ready.”

“Hmm,” he hums, looking away to try and reign in his flare of annoyance. His  _ connections _ in the Assembly could have easily contacted him to tell him that themselves.

“Four weeks,” both Veth and Jester say.

“I’m - they’ve probably notified at least someone in the council,” he admits, letting his anger dissipate. He wasn’t going to let that sour their visit. “But I will pass this on as well. Um -” He thinks, giving a nod. “Four weeks, very well.” His eyes settle on Caleb, who has picked up his own glass and takes a small sip. “Um, ah - did you bring that project you were working on?”

“Um, I - I have it with me all the time, yeah,” Caleb answers, looking at his coat pockets, and Essek wonders in which of the many he’s hidden it away. “Do you want to eat first and then -”

“Yes, yes, let’s eat,” Essek nods, reaching for one of the sandwiches himself, pausing with it in his grasp, thinking about the privacy of his lab. “Ah, or you could eat and we can take a look at it.”

“How was your day?” Yasha asks him where she sits in a plush Vermaloc chair, one that he knows looks huge when he sits in it but that looks just about right for her muscular build.

He remembers his rather dejected sulking as the hours went by without their arrival, how he had brought himself down even further with thoughts of abandonment and crushed hopes. “Fine,” he gets out. “I’ve been here.” He takes a bite of his food to keep him from saying anything more.

“Do you go out, like, during the day? Do you go shopping and stuff?” Jester adds, taking a sip of her milk that leaves a bit of it on her upper lip. She takes a wafer cookie and holds it up to her fur scarf - which promptly takes a  _ bite _ out of the cookie, revealing that what Essek had merely thought was a fashion accessory was in fact a living animal, a weasel of some sort.

“Mmm,” he begins, swallowing his food. “When necessary.”

Beauregard gives him a once over from where she’s taken a seat across from him. “Do you float in your house or do you walk in your house?”

Even though he’s sitting, he realizes that he’s still floating, his feet not touching the ground. He releases the spell, and he wishes that the soft sound of his footfalls wouldn’t have been so noticeable.

She gives him a kind half smile. “Aww, you don’t have to float around us, man. It’s cool.”

“Force of - it's a habit,” he admits, returning her smile with a sheepish one of his own.

“Yeah, you should walk with, ah, what - what is it,” Fjord starts, turning to Beauregard who sits beside him. “A swagger.” He nods towards Essek, as he tells Beauregard, “You, you could show - you could show him how to walk with swagger.”

“I could totally teach you swagger,” Beauregard agrees, finishing the sandwich she’d picked up.

“Like your ring walk, you know, like how you, you prep,” Fjord says.

Beauregard nods, “Yeah.” She raises a brow at Essek. “You want me to teach you swagger?”

Essek feels completely on the spot, and he wonders if this is an Empire thing, or a daywalker thing, or just something that friends teach other how to do. “I don’t know what that is,” he hesitantly gets out.

“Sure, sure,” Fjord says, and he doesn’t sound patronizing, just understanding.

“You know, sass?” Beauregard continues, striking a pose where she sits, a hand to her hip and another to her shoulder.

“Fucking crack it out, let’s go,” Fjord encourages her.

Beauregard moves her hands in a confusing manner. “You know?”

Even Fjord seems lost now. “What are you - what are you, miming?”

She gets up as Jester of all people also gives her a curious look. “What is this, what is -”

Moving to one end of the room, Beauregard stands up straight, throwing her shoulders back almost lazily. She begins to walk, leaning back ever so slightly, lowering her center of gravity even as she highlights her shoulders in the way she moves across the room. She stops at the other side, giving them a half turn and running a hand through the loose strands of her hair as she looks at them through her eyelashes, almost as if she’s looking down on them and checking them out all at the same time.

Jester laughs, completely entertained, as Fjord tells Essek, motioning to Beauregard, “Yeah, do what she does. It’s, you know -”

To finish things off, she runs a lazy thumb across her bottom lip.

Essek knows he could never pull that off. “I’m good, thank you.”

All at once, the “swagger” slips off as Beauregard stands up straighter, before falling into her own casual stance. “Aw, come on man.”

Fjord stands up, going over to her and whispering something under his breath - pointers, advice, Essek has no idea, but he remembers how Fjord had been the one coaching her on approachability and how to seem like a good host when they first met him, and as they start walking with “swagger” around the room, Essek is filled with a ridiculous fondness for the pair.

“Wow,” Jester laughs, watching them as she takes another sandwich, this one with a pastry filling, and yeah, wow indeed.

“Very well - could I have a look at your notes?” Essek asks Caleb, looking away from whatever lessons Fjord and Beauregard give each other, knowing that he won’t retain anything of that “swagger” himself.

“You, ah - you’ve, you, ah, you know this trick, right?” He hears Beauregard say, but he’s looking at Caleb who’s nodding and beginning to get his things out. “You know this one,” Beauregard continues.

There’s a muffled, “You push up,” from Fjord before Beauregard calls out, “Essek, Essek!” And so Essek turns, and he sees that Beauregard’s arms are crossed, but her hands are tucked behind her biceps, making them look even more muscular than they already are. “Essek, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he gets out, completely unsure on how that could ever possibly help him - he’s not physically intimidating by any means, and he feels like if he were ever in a situation that required  _ that _ form of intimidation, Essek would just resign himself to his fate.

“ _ You, you - you are making him uncomfortable, _ ” Essek hears Caleb whisper beside him. “ _ You’re making him uncomfortable _ .” Essek glances over to see Caleb looking straight at Beauregard, the small copper wire in his grasp catching the light of the sitting area before he tucks it away.

“Pow-pow,” Fjord says, and his biceps are almost as impressive as Beauregards as he picks up her trick. “Stormlord, thunder and lightning.”

Beauregard drops her arms, but not before striking that lazy pose and running her thumb along her bottom lip again. “Swagger,” she whispers.

Essek, so out of his social depth it is almost painful, gestures towards the food on the table. “There are cheeses.”

“Oooh, I like cheese,” Jester gushes out, her attention back on the food.

“I am so excited for cheese,” Caduceus agrees, taking a sip of his tea. “This is good.”

Caleb runs a hand through his hair, giving a light laugh, before he meets Essek’s gaze, giving him an apologetic smile.

And this, out of everything, might be what does him in - this smile, that catches him so unawares every single time.

“Anyway -” Essek starts.

“Show him!” Veth prompts Caleb, tugging on his coat sleeve.

“Right, here over -” Caleb begins to ask, looking at Essek as Veth tugs on his arm again.

“Yeah, show him the book,” she urges him.

Caleb slowly starts to move things around on the table, clearing a small space of food and drink right in front of them as he begins to bring out a couple of books.

“Oh - here,” Essek offers, gesturing upstairs as he stands from his seat, his spell taking effect once more. “Come, come to my, ah, laboratory. It would be easier.”

He pauses in his movements, his books in hand. “Oh?” Caleb asks, attention piqued and waiting for Essek now.

“Should we all go?” Jester quickly jumps in.

“No, no,” Veth tells her, giving her a knowing look.

“Just them?” Jester asks, looking to Veth.

Even though there’s a beat of hesitation, Veth says, “No, just, just me and - me and Caleb.”

Fjord retakes his chair, shaking his head. “No, no, Jester, just feed - feed your ferret your, your crackers or whatever.”

“A-a-alrighty, for a second,” Caleb gets out, turning to Veth. “Nott, come.”

“Of course,” Veth nods, and they stand, ready to follow him.

They leave the group where Yasha, Caduceus, and Jester are both coaxing the weasel - Sprinkle, as Jester seems to call it - to eat more, and Essek is very much aware of Beauregard and Fjord watching the three of them carefully, watching  _ Essek _ carefully as they begin to make their way up the stairs.

A dozen steps up, Essek realizes that he’s been gliding, and he wills the spell to fade again, the habit of it making it almost a reflex whenever he moves at this point. He sets down on the ground again, giving Caleb a sheepish smile that Caleb kindly returns.

He takes them to the second floor, opening one of the two doors that connect the towers, and leading them onto the walkway that connects this tower to the tallest one, which houses his lab. They go past the alchemical lab where he had been passing the time earlier, heading to the floor above it, the top floor - a rather modest tower, to be the tallest one, but still his favorite one nonetheless. They step into the stone room, where his runic circle takes up the entire floor, and when he hears Caleb exhale he turns to gauge his reaction, suddenly shy.

“This is - beautiful,” Caleb breathes, taking it all in.

That’s all it takes for Essek to brighten, the charm on the candles in the room taking note of his presence and immediately lighting all around. Caleb tracks their movement around the room, his expression full of admiration and wonder.

“I can’t help it - I will always love the architecture of a tower,” Caleb admits, turning to Essek with that soft smile on his face again.

He follows where Caleb’s gaze has been, wondering how he sees all of this with the air of the new and wonderful. “We stick with them for a reason, it seems, as hackneyed as it may be.” Essek gestures to the room at large, trying to be inviting and reminding himself to take initiative as the host - and maybe he should give Beauregard more credit in working so hard at learning how to be a good host since it  _ is _ rather difficult and extremely nerve wracking. “Come, come, set it down.”

“Closer to the heavens,” Caleb murmurs to himself, sitting on the floor and pulling out books and paper, laying things out.

Essek feels something flutter in his chest at Caleb’s words, and he has the absurd notion of saying something about how being with  _ Caleb _ makes him feel that way, but he shoves that thought to the very back of his mind as he sits down beside him.

“So, um,” Caleb starts, motioning to an old book, one with small notes on the cover in a language he doesn’t recognize. “This is what we acquired - this is very old, these are unfinished,” he flips open the book to the spell in question, pulling out the loose sheets of paper and handing them to Essek - these written in Common and in Caleb’s familiar script, his translation and subsequent notes on the spell. “Um, but, but, much to be gleaned, and I’ve done my best with them. And then here is -”

Setting the papers down in front of him, Essek moves to unclasp his cloak, letting it slip from his shoulders and fall into a puddle of fabric around his waist to give himself more room to move.

Caleb continues his explanation, and with his Zemnian lilt going through what he and Veth - because Veth is also there with them, nodding along as she lets Caleb take the lead - have accomplished, Essek looks at their notes and at Halas’ work, figuring out the ancient mage’s notation from Caleb’s notes and starting to see the connections, where the magical equations balance out and where they are missing a handful of elements. It’s impressive work, insanely impressive, beautifully impressive, and even as Essek sits here with such a treasure trove of ancient knowledge he can’t help the brief thought that crosses his mind - he’s doomed, completely and totally lost to Caleb.

He glances over at him, watching him as he continues his explanation, watching the loose strands of fiery hair fall to frame his face from where he has it pulled back. His bright blue eyes are focused, sharp and determined and alluring, and Essek finds that he doesn’t care at all that he’s doomed and lost to Caleb as he turns back to the spellwork at hand.

* * *

It’s easy to recognize the look on Essek’s face - he’s already starting to make connections, thread together the pieces of Halas’ work. “Okay, so while you’re taking that in -” Caleb says, gesturing to Nott. “Nott help me roll this out.” She takes one end of the larger piece of parchment he’d been using to start drawing the sigils and symbols for the spell, and he rolls it out in front of them. “And here is what Nott and I have been working on - this is, um, my approximation. I’ve tried to fill in some of the blanks and, ah, this particular knot was hard to unravel,” he points at the glyph that noted the flexibility of the spell, the one that broadened the horizons of bodily transmutation from mere modification to complete racial change. “But we did - and, um, I know that I’m close, but I am sure I am missing something.”

“Yeah, but he’s got that look in his eye - he’s close,” Nott tells Essek, nodding towards Caleb.

Essek watches Caleb carefully, his eyes dragging up and down before meeting Caleb’s gaze again. “I can see that look.” He drops his gaze back to the spellwork, completely missing the way his words make a light blush creep up Caleb’s neck. Essek runs a hand over his chin, narrowing his eyes before he says, “Alright, I have some ideas.”

He stands, letting the mantle fall from him and onto the floor as he moves to the shelf fixed to the wall, pulling out compounds and other such materials, elements that will help them work out the issues in the spell.

Caleb watches him as he goes, moving from one shelf to another, taking in the elegant slope of his shoulders and the tentative way he walks, soft on his feet even as he seems hesitant in his steps, his movements graceful as slender fingers wrap around vials and herbs alike. Caleb doesn’t look to the mantle on the ground, trying to ignore it the way Essek has already seemed to forget about it - but his imagination had already supplied something  _ else _ to that sight, to the mantle slipping from Essek’s shoulders to pool around him, had supplied a quiet room and a soft blanket and the privacy of each other’s company -

Once again, he cuts himself off, forcing himself to look down on the spellwork while Essek continues to look through his things. Caleb didn’t even have the luxury to excuse alcohol for his train of thought today, knowing that his few sips of wine have done nothing to muddle his thoughts.

After another handful of seconds Essek retakes his place beside Caleb, setting down a small pile of books along with the components he’d pulled from the shelves. It's in a language Caleb can’t read but that he does recognize - Undercommon - but he has seen enough of the notations and arcane equations of the pages to recognize it as a book on transmutation.

He points to a symbol in the book, showing it to Caleb and Nott. “What if instead of using the  _ polymorph _ spell as a basis -”

Nott’s eyes widen, turning to Caleb. “- we use the spell that turned  _ me _ into this?”

“The - gods, yes, that’s brilliant - that’s, we need to harness  _ that _ kind of energy,” Caleb gets out, flipping through his own notes where he’d written the druidic spell  _ reincarnate _ , the closest spell that matched the description of what Nott had undergone. It was a spell that called upon natural magics that he didn’t understand wholly, but there were elements and sigils within the spell that it shared with  _ polymorph _ , save for tiny, minor details that Caleb had overlooked in his earlier equations - details that could make all the difference if they used those sigils rather than the ones for  _ polymorph _ .

Before Caleb can even ask for it, Essek hands Caleb a quill - a magical quill, one of the ones that don’t need constant redipping into the inkwell to continue writing - as Nott hands Caleb a fresh piece of parchment, and he begins to trace out the parts of the spell that were working along with this new piece. Essek gets up again, gathering new components and Nott begins to mix together alchemical solutions in between bites of wafer cookies that she’d brought up from downstairs, kneading and shaping everything per Caleb’s instructions.

They fall into a rhythm, an easy, feverish rhythm, finishing each other’s questions and sentences, handing each other the next items needed before anyone even asks. Nott’s cramped scrawl picks up wherever Caleb’s script ends, only to be finished by Essek’s loping penmanship. It doesn’t take long - Caleb has been counting the minutes, counting the seconds as they work - before the sigils and glyphs all click into the place, the arcane equations balanced to perfection. A spell that will permanently alter one humanoid race to another.

Nott looks down at it with wide eyes, stuttering out a disbelieving, “Oh - o-oh!”

Essek, who had been kneeling beside Caleb as Caleb inked in the last piece of the spell, stood up slowly, brushing his hands together. “I don’t, ah, I don’t know what to say - this is very impressive,” he got out.

“You are amazing,” Caleb breathed, still looking at the spell laid out before them, but pouring out everything he felt about Essek in those three words. He looked up, pointing down at their work. “This does not happen very often. This is history, pulled from history.” He shakily gets to his own feet. “Thank you.”

He ducks his head. “Well, you had done most of the legwork yourselves.”

“Thank - thank you both, for this,” Nott says, voice thick with emotion. “Can we do it?”

Caleb looks down at the components they had determined for the spell - at the couple dozen pounds of raw clay, and hundred gold’s worth of gem dust, the hour’s worth of casting it took. It was nothing, nothing at all to get Nott’s body back.

“Well,” Caleb starts, voice trembling before taking a deep breath, letting out a breathless, “Mein Gott,” on the exhale. They could get the gem dust, that wasn’t hard but the clay - “Um, we need clay. I don’t have any.”

“I don’t have any,” Nott repeated, standing as well.

“No,” Caleb shook his head, expecting as much since they shared so many of their components with each other. He turned to Essek. “You don’t have that much clay, do you?”

Essek scratched at his wrist, saying quietly, “I have a yard.”

“Do you -” he starts, looking to Nott then to Essek before he acts completely on impulse, pulling them both in for a tight hug. He wraps an arm around both of their shoulders, feeling Nott settle in on his left side while Essek is pressed flush against his right. Once again he is starkly reminded that Essek is shorter than him when he feels Essek’s hair brush against the side of Caleb’s face - and Caleb has to stop himself from pulling the man in for a kiss in all his giddy excitement.

As soon as that thought comes Caleb pulls the pair out, but his hands remain where they were - one on Nott’s back and one on Essek’s, right between the shoulder blades, keeping him close even though all he wants to do is pull him closer again.

* * *

He’s still reeling as Caleb pulls them out, but Caleb doesn’t move his hand where it remains on his back, warm and grounding, and so, so familiar that Essek doesn’t know what to  _ do _ . When Caleb had pulled him in for a hug his mind had just completely blanked, everything short circuiting like a spell gone awry, but this time in the best way possible.

Caleb looks down at Veth, asking, “Do you want to do this now or do you want to think about it?”

“Ah…” Veth stammers, looking down at the sigils and glyphs of the spell that would change her, but unseeing as she retreats into her own thoughts. Caleb’s hand slides down Essek’s back as he watches his best friend carefully, taking in her hesitation, and it takes everything in Essek’s willpower not to shiver at the touch - and not to frown when Caleb removes his hand, moving to rub at his own chin in thought as Veth finally says, “Maybe I’ll just give it a - a day. Or an hour. O-or a day.”

“W-whatever you need,” Caleb assures her.

Veth turns to Essek, eyes wide and earnest and shiny with unshed tears. “This is amazing - thank you so much.”

Essek gives a nonsensical shrug, not finding any words that aren’t  _ could you hug me again _ ?

“Maybe I’ll just give it a day, though,” Veth reaffirms, mostly to herself it seems. “Just to s - just to figure out - yeah, just a day.”

She’s looking at Essek again, and Essek gives her a mute nod as he rubs at his hands, trying to quell the urge to pull both of  _ them _ into a hug now.

“Yeah,” Veth nods. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Yes,” Caleb agrees.

“We can do this tomorrow,” Veth continues.

“Just deliberate on it for a bit,” Caleb says.

Veth nods again. “Yeah.”

They stand in heavy silence for a few beats - not heavy from awkwardness or discomfort, but heavy with possibility, with loaded energy that they have unlocked now ready and available.

“You know,” Caleb begins, looking to Essek. “The others are probably wondering, um -”

That brings Essek back from his thoughts, and he takes a step away. “Yes, it has been some time - my apologies. Ah -”

“But, um -” Caleb gets out, clearing his throat. He points at the two of them. “We work well together.” His eyes are on Essek though, just holding Essek’s gaze. “We should explore other things.” He puts a hand to his mouth - and Essek has no idea if he’s doing it on purpose or subconsciously or just coincidence - as he repeats, “Other things.”

Essek averts his gaze, because Caleb has no idea the effect his words are having, how Essek feels hot under the collar but wants to feel hotter, wants to burn beneath Caleb’s touch, and he is reminded of a moth going to flame and he doesn’t care, he couldn’t care less, he just  _ wants _ \- “I have some ideas,” he says quietly, rubbing his hands together to give them something to do. He threads his fingers together with his own, glancing up at Caleb. “There are favors owed still.”

And Caleb drops his hand, expression falling to something akin to surprise, and Essek knows he’s fucked up, he’s said the wrong thing - he’d tried to diffuse the sudden rush of it all by throwing a bucket of water over it rather than slowing things down. He’s so fucking stupid.

“Anyway, let’s get back to the rest of -” and he’s not sure if he could say  _ our _ , if he’s earned that yet, so instead he safely rushes out, “your friends,” trying to skirt past the moment he just ruined.

“Yes, yes,” Veth agrees. She looks towards the door they came through. “They’re probably fucking down there or something.”

“Probably having a fivesome,” Caleb deadpans, and Essek has no idea if this is a joke or serious and he’s almost afraid of what they’ll find when they go down.

Maybe that’s what prompts Essek to take his sweet, sweet time gathering up their notes on the finalized spell, he tells himself. Yeah, it’s that - this isn’t his own sad attempt at scraping together a few extra minutes with Caleb. Right?

When everything’s been picked up, he hands it to Caleb, and their fingers brush, and Essek wishes he were a braver man, that he could just easily thread them together and hope that Caleb would understand.

Instead, Essek turns around, barely catching sight of Caleb as he picks up Nott and carries her on his back affectionately as Essek begins to lead them downstairs and towards the walkway that would take them towards the tower where their friends were - where Essek hoped they weren’t defacing his entryway with an orgy that Essek feels would have something to do with that Traveler cult Jester was a part of.

* * *

They’ve only made it a few steps downstairs towards the foyer when Jester loudly calls out, “Hey!”

“Hey, sorry to keep you -” Nott begins to apologize.

“Did you guys have so much fun?” Jester interrupts, looking up at them with a wide smile.

Nott nods. “We did, it’s a lovely -”

“The most,” Caleb gets out, and he’s breathless with it, that light excitement and energy from the lab still following him downstairs. He tries not to look at Essek who walked just a step and a half in front of him.

“It’s a lovely lab,” Nott told them.

“Do you feel relaxed and carefree?” Jester asked, raising a mischievous brow.

“Energized,” Caleb corrected, and he feels like he might have never sounded this excited before.

“Really?” Jester says, but she’s looking to Beau.

“Yeah,” Caleb nods as they reach the ground.

“Oh shit, you were right,” Beau whispers.

“He is intelligent,” Caleb grins, and although he knows his smile says it all he’s too shy to look at Essek and see how he’ll take his words.

Nott nods as Jester hums out a convinced, “Mhm, mhm, mhm.”

Beau gives an impressed hum. “He knows his way around?”

“And he can floooat!” Jester finishes, and Caleb’s looking at Essek now, sees the way that he’s taking in what they're saying with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Mhm,” Beau agrees.

“Just saying,” Jester shrugs.

“Yeah, he’s right over there,” Nott reminds them, gesturing towards Essek.

“Oh, hi,” Jester greets, smiling just as brilliantly at him as if just realizing he was there.

“You seem like you’re in a very good mood,” Fjord smiles at Caleb.

Caleb can’t find the words to describe his mood as Nott climbs off of him, saying, “I mean - knowledge, knowledge can do that to you, right?”

“Everything go okay? Everything work out?” Caduceus asks. “Where - where are we at?”

Nott smiles, although she still seems completely disbelieving. “Everything’s great.”

“We -” Caleb glances at Essek, and Caleb feels his heart swell. “I’ve learned things that I did not know even an hour ago.”

Beau and Jester share a knowing smirk and a shrug - and Caleb has an inkling of what it may mean, but he doesn’t have time to unpack that now.

“Yeah,” Nott agrees.

Fjord turns to Essek, giving him a sheepish look. “You’ll be happy to know we didn’t, um, ah, explore too far.” He gestures to the floor above. “We did go upstairs and look at your, sort of, l - bookshelves and your glass cases, and, and we tried to wander further but it’s locked,” Fjord admitted. And even though Caleb felt himself grow nervous that Essek might be upset at hearing that they went snooping around, Caleb was glad that they were at least honest about it.

“They did, we stayed here,” Jester corrects, gesturing to herself, Caduceus and Yasha. “We’re very polite.”

“Hey, we own that shit,” Fjord countered, with Beau shrugging beside him. “I’m curious.”

Caduceus looks to Essek with a small shrug, admitting as well, “Tried to find the kitchen.”

“I don’t care what you keep in your home, so,” Yasha shrugs.

Essek’s jaw, which had hardened imperceptibly when Fjord first told them they’d been looking around - and when had Caleb gotten so in tune with Essek to notice even that small shift? - softened as he nodded. “Well, I appreciate all of that, mostly,” he said, looking around at them. He lets out a breath, gesturing to Caleb and Nott. “But, ah, quite a discovery made by, ah, these two.”

Caleb exhales shakily, feeling his nerves crackle with excitement, wringing his hands together lest he reaches out and pulls them all into a hug like the one he had with Essek and Nott in the lab.

“Wha -” Yasha starts but Fjord asks faster, “What discovery?”

“We may - we may have a way to, ah, to f - to fix me,” Nott gets out.

Jester gasps, “Really?”

Nott nods. “Yeah, yeah.”

“How do you feel about that?” Jester asks her.

“You know, excited,” Nott answered, sounding completely uncertain.

“Yeah?” Jester smiled.

“The permanent fix you’ve been looking for this whole time?” Fjord follows up.

“So it seems, yeah,” Nott says.

Beau crosses her arms, raising a brow. “Back to your original form?”

“Uh huh,” Nott nods.

“Essek - that’s incredible,” Fjord tells Essek earnestly as Beau lets out a quiet, “Wow,” and Caleb can’t agree more, it’s incredible,  _ Essek  _ is incredible.

“D-don’t look at me, I was merely a c - a final catalyst,” he humbly deflects, gesturing again to Caleb and Nott. “This is work they had already continued from -”

“Well, it’s mostly Caleb,” Nott gets in, also deflecting, handing him the credit where they deserve just as much.

“You are down - you are both downplaying your contribution,” Caleb told them with a fond shake of his head.

Essek shrugged, a small smile on his lips. “Well, if we’re going to be honest, the biggest contribution here is a mage long before our time.”

“Oh, Halas,” Fjord nodded.

“True,” Caleb agreed, meeting Essek’s gaze and holding it with his own. “True,” he breathed. “Standing on the shoulders of giants.”

“Indeed,” Essek whispered, looking away.

“Very hard, they’re very aggressive,” Caduceus mused - and Caleb had the realization that Caduceus thought they were talking about  _ actual _ giants as Jester stifled a giggle.

“Are we - if we were successful, yes, are you -” Fjord started, gesturing to Nott.

“Yes, why aren’t you - why aren’t you already changed?” Jester asked. “If you could do it?”

“I-I just, I just need to maybe let it sit for a second, just think about what this would, um, you know,” Nott shrugged, before she nodded. “I’m gonna do it. Of course, I’ll do it - I’ll do it. I just, you know, where there’s risks involved. We’ve never done it before.”

Jester looked to Essek and Caleb in slight alarm. “Yeah, what is the risk? What happens if it's not successful?”

“Who knows,” Nott whispered.

“Do you accidentally turn into, like, a wooly mammoth or something?” Jester continues.

Nott frowns. “I don’t think so, there’s not enough clay for that.”

Caleb slowly unfurls their work, showing it to the rest of them as Essek gives them an abridged explanation of how it works, and Caleb watches Nott all the while. “If done correctly, the only thing lost is the material components - and if done incorrectly, nothing at all happens aside from the loss of material components as well.”

“Wow,” Jester nodded.

“Yeah, but I mean - we don’t know that, right?” Nott repeated, and Caleb knew what she was doing. She was stalling. “We don’t know, so.”

“Oh,” Caleb says, turning to Jester and Beau, and allowing Nott a chance to gather her thoughts. “Do any of you have, um, ah, crushed, ah, gem dust left? We did have some.”

“We did,” Jester agrees, pulling her pink haversack into her lap. “Um, we used a lot of it for our, you know, our tattoos,” she sings out as she begins digging through its various pockets.

“Don’t need much, about a hundred, ah, gold pieces worth,” Caleb told them.

“Can’t be that hard to find,” Caduceus hummed.

“No,” Caleb agreed.

Nott looks through her small satchel, hesitantly pulling out a small diamond - it can’t be worth more than 50 gold pieces. Fjord makes a crushing motion, addressing the fact that they would have to crush it anyway.

Jester frowns, moving back to a pocket she’s already looked through. “I don’t have any dust left - but we can find some.”

“That shouldn’t be too hard,” Caduceus repeats.

“Certainly,” Caleb nods. “And, and it seems like you want to, you know, just prepare yourself because it’s been so long -”

“Well, then also, we don’t have any - we don’t have the material so we can’t do it now anyway,” Nott says, pocketing her diamond again.

“What are the materials needed?” Fjord asks.

Caleb points at the small notation they had written in. “Well, we need clay, which Essek is saying he could provide to us.”

“A lot of clay, yeah,” Nott said, making it sound like an almost impossible sum of clay was needed.

“Okay,” Fjord nodded, as if preparing to make a mental list.

“Which he could provide to us,” Caleb repeated, gesturing towards Essek as he watched Nott. She nodded a little stiffly, and Caleb continued, “And then we would need to get some gemstone dust, which either we have some, or, or, um, this is a very large, beautiful city, I’m sure that we could acquire some.”

“Yeah, of course,” Fjord agreed. “Do you need to be here in order to perform this spell or is it something you want to travel with and -”

“I don’t think so,” Nott shrugged.

“That’s a lot of - I don’t know,” Caduceus frowned.

Caleb looks to Essek, sees the way he’s begun to wring his hands together shyly. “Well, I would recommend -”

“So you can get clay,” Beau added.

“- I would recommend doing it - doing it here,” Caleb got out. “Or somewhere -”

“Controlled,” Fjord finished.

“Yes, a controlled environment,” Caleb said, looking to Nott.

“How long do you need?” Fjord asked.

“An hour,” Nott quietly answered.

Jester’s eyes widened. “Wow.”

“I know, right,” Nott agreed.

“No - but you could do it right now,” Jester gasped. “We just have to go out, probably, just go out and get some gem dust while people start digging.”

“Yeah,” Nott nodded, eyes just as wide as Jester’s.

“Do you want to go source another 50 gold of gems and I could assist Essek and, um - um c-certainly Caduceus could help us gather how much -” Fjord looks around at the group, Caleb can see it in his peripheral vision as his eyes stay on Nott, taking in the nervous way she hugs herself. “How much clay in particular? Like?”

“Lots of clay?” Jester guessed.

“Fifty pounds,” Nott told them, barely a whisper.

“Oh, that’s not too bad,” Beau nodded.

“Nott, I feel like,” Yasha starts, looking Nott over with a deeply knowing look. “You’re hesitant.”

“Well, yeah, I mean, of course,” Nott blurted out. “It’s just been a long time coming - I didn’t think, like, this morning would be the, the time.” She shrinks in on herself, looking down. “I sort of assumed that it would be an ordeal and I’d have to -” She pauses for a millisecond before forcing herself to say, “Die or something to do it again. And so it’s - it’s just odd that it's so -”

“Doable?” Jester finishes for her.

“Easy,” she corrects.

Caleb feels something squeeze in his chest. “Well, after months of traveling together and…”

“Wow,” Jester repeats.

“I mean, you already died once,” Beau says gently.

“No, I don’t want to die again, but, trust me,” Nott rushed out. “I-I just, uh…”

“Are you kind of used to being in this body now?” Jester softly asks.

Nott’s reaction is visceral. “No, I hate this body, it’s awful.” She drops her gaze again. “It’s just, what do I - you know, what do I do after?” And that’s it, that’s what’s weighing her down, and now it settles on Caleb’s shoulders, the inevitability of her departure.

“You stay with us for a little bit,” Jester suggested. “You help us keep - keep doing what we’re doing, you just look different.”

“Wh-why would I do that?” Nott tells her, because why  _ would _ she, when her husband and child, her  _ real _ family, were waiting for her?

“Because you love us,” Jester said quietly.

“Are you, are you afraid that if you get your old body back that it means -” Beau starts.

“You got to go leave us and go back to Y-yeza and your son?” Jester finished.

Beau gives Nott an understanding look. “Because that’s, like, totally a manifested condition that you’re putting on the situation.”

“Not really,” Nott says with a shake of her head.

“But also, I understand,” Jester says, “It is important, you know, you have a son.”

Nott takes a breath. “No, I know.”

“He misses you,” Jester continues, and it hits Caleb just how much Caleb will miss Nott too.

“I know,” Nott repeats.

“That is a…” Jester trails off, not finding the right words. “Conundrum.”

“It’s hard for a - hard for a son to be away from a mother,” Caleb gets out, and he speaks from experience, bloody, burned, scorched experience.

Nott nods. “I want to be there.”

“What about this -” Fjord jumps in. “Y-you’ve done so much with us, um - it feels like we’re close to achieving a historic peace treaty between two nations. Maybe that’s the punctuation mark you’re looking for?”

She sits with that for a second, before she nods again, easier this time, “Yeah, like one last run.”

“Yeah,” Fjord agrees.

“TravelerCon?” Jester reminds her.

“The last chapter in -” Fjord continues.

“Really important,” Jester adds.

“- this book of adventures for you,” he finishes. Caleb feels like it's getting a little hard to breathe - the last chapter? The last run?

“Getting your body back just doesn’t have to be the final pin in the story,” Beau reasons, “is all I’m trying to say.”

“We certainly need you,” Fjord tells her. “We’d be short - shortsighted.”

“But we,” Caleb starts. “You -” he tries again, knowing he has to say something. “You know, we wouldn’t j-judge you if you wanted to stay with us for awhile.”

“Or if you wanted to go home,” Beau adds - and that’s what Caleb should have added himself, right? It’s what he should have assured her about, that either way they wouldn’t judge her, that they’d all still love her?

Caleb feels his throat constrict, and he’s a weak man, one who’s afraid of losing more people. “O-or - yeah, but if you wanted to stay with us for awhile.”

“Yeah, I - I do,” Nott says. “Of course I do. I just don’t -” She sighs. “I want - what I want is, um, just contrary to what, what we’ve been doing. And so, it's just a bit of a change, you know?” She pauses, looking around at all of them but as if she were looking through them instead, staring into the middle distance. “Um, I mean, yeah, you’re right, I c - I suppose I could just change, you know, just change my body, right? And then continue one with, with you guys just for a little bit, until we come to a - a spot where, ah, where that’s it.”

“Well, you know we would, um, be ensuring peace for your family, for your son,” Caleb assures her. “For the Empire, if we pull this off. That is commendable.” Then why does he feel so bad saying that?

Nott nods slowly. “Yeah.” She’s still staring off into space. “Ah, yeah. Let’s do it, then.” She looks up at Caleb, meeting his gaze, and Caleb feels like maybe he sees all his worries and anxieties mirrored in her eyes.

“Um, Nott, could you, um, sh-show us what you looked like?” Caleb asks her hesitantly.

“Yeah, of course,” Nott gets out, saying the incantation under her breath before she draws the glyph in the air and suddenly her goblin form shimmers, showing the halfling - Veth, with her braids and tanned skin, no jagged teeth, no claws.

He lets out a breath that feels like the beginning of a sob. One last chapter - one last run.

* * *

Veth, looking like the halfling she’d  _ disguised _ herself as when they’d gone to the Dungeon of Penance, looks around at all of them. “Hi,” she says shyly.

“Hi,” Jester answers softly.

Caleb walks around Veth, taking her in, cataloging every detail even as Essek can see the tremors in his hands. The cheer and excitement has practically disappeared from the man, and the group is solemn, mirroring his feelings in a more subdued degree.

Essek can only imagine how he feels - how it must feel, to achieve such a breakthrough that now seemed to be the catalyst to your best friend’s departure.

“Do you have to do this?” Veth asks Caleb. “You have to do this - the spellcaster has to choose the form, is that how this works?”

“We’ll do what we always do - we’ll do it together,” Caleb answers, and his voice is steady, and maybe because he’s standing behind her he hazards a quick swipe across his eyes, wiping away the tears Essek can see welling up.

Veth nods, satisfied and put at ease. “Mhm, yeah.”

“Caleb and Nott,” he tells her.

“Alright,” Veth agrees. “I guess…” She looks up at Essek. “Do you own a shovel?”

Before Essek can answer, Caduceus says, “I - I-I have, I have a - I have a shovel,” already tugging on the small collapsible shovel he has hanging from his belt.

“You just carry it around - where does it go?” Jester asks.

“It's on my belt, it's just a little folding thing,” Caduceus shows her.

“He used to live in the cemetery,” Caleb adds, referring to Caduceus.

“That’s true,” Jester nods.

“Yeah, Nott, we can - Caduceus and I can, can go to town,” Yasha volunteers.

“I can go find some gem dust for you,” Jester offers as well.

“That would be nice,” Veth smiles, but it doesn’t really reach her eyes.

Beauregard nods towards the group. “I’ll help team clay.”

Caduceus smiles as Jester turns to Fjord. “Think you can find some gem dust with me, Fjord?”

“Sure, yeah,” Fjord agrees.

“Yeah, he can’t - he can’t dig, so yeah,” Veth nods.

“Wh-what?” Fjord asks, as if he’d misheard her.

“I mean, come on,” Veth shrugs.

Fjord makes an aborted sound of complaint before he just shuts his mouth, and that’s all the group needs to ease the somber cloud that had drifted over all of them as Yasha and Beauregard fight off a smile and Caduceus and Jester laugh lightly. Even Caleb and Veth smile at his reaction, and that’s enough to pull a small smile from Essek as well.

Taking what seemed like an almost pained breath - purely for comedic effect at that point - Fjord huffed out, “I will go with Jester - find some gems. I will find nothing but cubic zirconia for your bitch ass.” Veth makes a face, playing along as Fjord continued in a fake concerned voice, “I don’t know why it didn’t work!”

Veth laughs at that, the remaining tension bleeding out, and then Fjord and Jester excuse themselves, heading to get the gem dust while Essek leads them outside, into his yard where they’ll get the clay.

Through a combined usage of a  _ create water _ spell from Caduceus that loosens the dirt and both Caleb’s  _ Cat’s Ire _ and a gravity spell from Essek allows them to begin digging up the clay. Essek stands close to Caleb, noticing the tense line in his shoulders, the way they’re pinched in anxiety. He hesitates for a second, knowing that Beauregard and Yasha and Caduceus and Veth are all there, that they’ll all see, but he tosses that thought aside as he slowly takes Caleb’s hand in his.

Caleb looks down at him, and when Essek gives him a reassuring smile and a soft squeeze of his hand, Caleb returns it, eyes soft and his shoulders relaxing just the smallest amount. They keep holding hands as they finish digging up enough clay for the spell, clay that Beauregard and Yasha heft between the two of them and begin to bring inside, and they only drop their hands when Caleb reaches to pick up Nott as they head back to the sitting area.

Jester and Fjord return shortly after they’ve come inside, joining them where they stand.

“You want to do this right now or you still want to sleep on it?” Beauregard asks Nott.

“I mean, it’s the best place to do it - in a powerful mage’s tower, right?” she returns, looking at Caleb from over his shoulder.

“We don’t have to leave town immediately if you want to stay here and sleep on it,” Beauregard assures her.

“There’s no judgement, you don’t need to make this decision right away,” Caduceus echoed.

Yasha shifted from foot to foot, seeming like she wanted to say something more but settling on an unsure, “Yeah,” putting a hand on Caduceus’ shoulder.

“You should do it when it feels right, too,” Fjord added.

Beauregard gestured to Yasha. “Yasha, you alright?”

“I don’t know why this is making me weirdly sad,” Yasha admitted.

Veth - now back in her goblin form as her  _ disguise self _ spell had faded - slowly comes down to the ground from Caleb’s hold. “I mean, yeah - this has been, uh, we’ve had adventures together and, and loss, and, and - and success and, um, I g - I don’t know how I’ll be after this,” she says, holding on tightly to Caleb’s hand. “You know?”

This time when Beauregard crosses her arms, it is more obvious than ever that it's to shield herself. “I guess, in a weird way, you are - a version of you  _ is _ dying in order to complete this.”

Looking away, Veth shrugs. “I don’t know if I’ll - I mean, I won’t look the same, obviously -” She holds onto Caleb tighter. “But I don’t know if I’ll think the same about you all.”

And Essek can see the way that small sentence just about breaks Caleb’s heart into a million pieces. He sees it in the way Caleb glances away from her, just the briefest look away, as if he can see the words and looking away may make it easier to bear, before he remembers that this is it - within an hour his best friend won’t look like this anymore, she’ll be different, the Veth - the  _ Nott _ he knows may be gone altogether, and so he has to keep looking at her.

“Why wouldn’t you - you’re the same you,” Jester rushes out.

“I - I don’t know that,” Veth says, adamant in her worry.

“Just your body’s going to be different,” Jester insists.

Veth shakes her head. “I don’t _know_ that.” She looks down, shuffles closer to Caleb. “I - I’ve had all sorts of different feelings and things happen to me since becoming this form and I don’t know what’s what anymore. It all feels - I don’t know, normal now.” She looks around at all of them. “You treat me normal, everyone around here treats me normal.”

“That’s because you are,” Yasha says softly - and Essek wants to echo those sentiments, but he feels it's not his place, this conversation is too intimate and he is still an outsider, an outsider that just happened to get brought along on this emotional journey that seems to be taking its toll on everyone involved.

“It’s just which normal you want,” Caduceus adds, with Yasha agreeing quickly.

“But what if I’m not as, ah, agile, nimble?” she asks, peeking out from behind the edge of Caleb’s coat, and Essek is distinctly reminded of a child hiding from the outside world behind their mother’s skirts, and it hits Essek just how close their relationship is, just how hard it must be for them to let go of each other and take this step. “What if I can’t aim as quickly or hide as easily?”

Caduceus shrugs. “You’re aim’s kinda iffy anyway, I -”

“Wish I’d have got another one of those explosive ones,” Veth answers, stepping out a little more as Jester gives her a smile.

“Kind of glad you don’t,” Caduceus says, raising a brow - fond and caring.

“If you trade out a few traits, you’re not going to be left without,” Beauregard assures her.

“Are you sure about that?” Veth asks again.

“You will be a member of the Mighty Nein,” Caleb tells her, squeezing her hand tightly. “You will be our friend.”

That strikes something deep in Essek’s chest, a wish to be a part of their den, to truly be their friend - but he strikes it away just as quickly as it comes. Right now is Veth’s moment, he didn’t need to get his feelings involved. And besides, his hands are covered in too much blood. Too much.

“Not - not if I can’t shoot or I can’t pick locks or -” Veth continues.

Fjord gently interrupts. “I think I know what you’re saying.” He nods solemnly, looking down before meeting her gaze. “Um, I had to make a choice and it changed everything - no certainty of what was on the other side. You’ve been trying so hard to get to this point, and you have the ability now. There’s no reason for you to do it immediately. Unless you absolutely are sure you want to and the time is right, then you shouldn’t.” He shrugs, and it seems heavy and light at the same time, like he’s sharing a vulnerability that betrays a weakness while also showing his strength. “Otherwise, that could lead to regret, or anything else that you couldn’t predict. Wait if you’re not ready.” He looks around to the group. “We’re here for you.”

There’s a long silence that stretches, one that Veth finally breaks. “I guess the thing I’m most scared of is if - if I change, I won’t want to stay.”

Caleb releases a shaky exhale that Caduceus thankfully covered up with his next words, “Well, that would be okay, too.”

“Nott, I don’t think any of us can give you that answer, and you know that,” Caleb says, clearly trying his hardest to keep his voice steady. “But whatever you want to do, we’re here.”

She takes a stuttering breath. “I love you all,” she tells them, with unwavering conviction in her words. She turns to Essek. “Let’s do it.”

Essek is at a loss, feeling like Caleb would be much more apt for this moment, and so he begins to turn to him, his name already at the tip of his tongue when Beauregard asks, “Do you want bigger tits this time around?”

“Yep,” Veth answers quickly.

“They’re really big, I mean,” Jester gets out, staring down at Nott’s chest.

“Every - every man likes even a little bigger,” she tells her.

Jester frowns. “I don’t think that’s necessarily true.”

“Well, Yeza does, he -” Veth starts, and Essek wishes he were not learning about her sex life at all, dear gods.

“He likes big - Yeza likes -” Jester repeats questioningly.

Veth nods, miming what Essek  _ assumes _ is her husband -

Yasha, thankfully, interrupts her. “Make them how you want them, don’t do it for anybody else.”

“You know what,” Veth says, a small smile on her lips. “You’re right. It’ll hurt my back. I’ll just make them a little smaller.”

Nodding, Yasha adds, “You might be more agile, if they’re -”

“Make them however you want them to be,” Jester echoes as Veth nods again.

Beauregard shrugs. “I mean, titties are just great, regardless.”

Yasha readily agrees as Veth says, “For sure.”

“All shapes and sizes are good,” Yasha tacks on, and the way her eyes dart from Beauregard to Jester makes Essek feel like he’s seen more than he should have.

“Yeah,” both Jester and Beauregard agree, and now  _ they’re _ looking back at Yasha.

She smiles. “Small ones, big ones, dangly ones.”

“I’ll mold your titties, if you want me to be in charge of that,” Beauregard offers, and even though Essek wants to say that’s not exactly how it works, he has completely let himself check out of this conversation, glancing at Caleb who seems to still be barely holding it together even as he also watches this discussion unfold.

“You’ll mold my titties?” Veth asks.

Beauregard picks at the bits of dried clay on her fingers. “Well, I’m assuming we have to make, like, a clay version of the view you want to turn into - I’m totally just making this shit up.”

Veth also knows that’s not how it works, but she grins regardless. “If that, if that is the case, then I absolutely want Beau to mold my titties and no one else because she has the most experience with them. And she’s got deft, deft fingers, and hands -”

“That might not entirely be true,” Yasha shrugs, a challenger to whatever title it seems that Beauregard holds in Veth’s mind when it comes to experience with “titties.”

“Oh,” Caduceus bursts into laughter as Veth raises a brow, “Do tell.”

Yasha smiles. “That’s a story for another time, um -”

“We’ll swap titty tales,” Beauregard grins, and the suggestion is read loud and clear and Essek has no idea how they manage to do it so easily, this back and forth where they both clearly like each other and neither of them shies away from it.

Once the smiles and titters of laughter have died down, Essek inclines his head slightly. “Ah, I suppose I will go prepare the chamber, and, um,” he turns to the hunk of clay, casting a quick gravitation spell. He makes a move toward it, meaning to start carrying it up himself before he realizes that walking  _ and _ carrying that, even if it's half its original weight, will most definitely leave him embarrassingly winded. “If I could have a, some help?” Essek quietly asks.

“Hm, yeah - right,” Caduceus quickly volunteers, even as Caleb makes a small motion towards Essek - but Essek would never ask him to be away from Veth, not now when they didn’t know what lay ahead in their friendship once the spell was complete. Caduceus picks up the clay, testing it in his hands, clearly surprised by its weight.

“Come,” Essek beckons, already climbing up the stairs and leading the way towards his lab.

“Is that right?” Caduceus questions under his breath, before he just shrugs and says, “Alright.” Essek glances over his shoulder. “It’s - it feels light, but -”

Essek gives him a small smile, waving a hand and showing him the trail of silver dunamantic energy that rises from his fingers like mist, and that’s explanation enough as Caduceus begins to follow. Out of the corner of his eye he can see everyone falling into line behind Caduceus as they follow, with Caleb carrying Veth at the very end.

They reach his lab in a manner of minutes, and he gestures for Caduceus to set the clay in the center of the room as the candles relight themselves around them. Everyone comes in, standing along the wall, and when Caleb and Veth finally come inside they head straight for the pile of clay, beginning to mold it in preparation for the spell. Essek begins burning the proper incense and pulls out some chalks and begins to draw out the arcane runes with his runic circle making the process much faster.

Once he’s done, he turns to see Veth and Caleb are only halfway done with the molding of the clay, and when Caleb extends a hesitant hand to Essek, Essek joins the pair, kneeling down right beside Caleb and getting his hands on the clay, patting and smoothing it out as they mold it into a trough shape that will be big enough to contain Veth. The three of them work in silence, and if Caleb’s hands brush over Essek’s just as much as they brush over Veth’s, well, neither of them say anything.

As soon as they mold the last bit of clay, Caleb shakily takes his hands off of it, turning to Veth and holding her hand with one hand even as he blindly reaches for Essek’s hand with his other, giving it a brief squeeze before dropping it. “Nott, the Brave,” Caleb starts. “Veth Brenatto, you are here,” and he taps just above her heart with the hand that had just held Essek’s. “And you are here,” and he touches just above and between her eyes - and Essek recognizes the motions of  _ Fortune’s Favor _ , despite Caleb not casting the spell. The intention is the same - a second chance. “You are you, and you will continue to be you. And we are here. You ready?”

She takes a shaky breath before she pulls Caleb in, kissing him briefly. When she pulls away, both of their eyes are shiny with tears. “Thank you, Caleb, for getting me this far. And for devoting yourself to - to me. You’re a good man.” She swallows hard, takes another deep breath. “And I - I hope you find where you’re going, too.” She looks away. “Alright - do the thing.”

He puts a gentle hand to the side of her face, cupping her cheek softly. “This will be our best trick yet.”

Veth smiles. “We have to name it.” She looks at the trough before she climbs in and lays down, shuddering, “That’s wet.”

Essek gets up, moving to stand between Jester and Fjord as Caleb takes the crushed gems and begins to scatter them over Veth - and the ritual begins.

The arcane sigils that Essek had drawn on the ground begin to glow softly as Caleb starts the incantation, a sourceless wind picking up around them as the clay responds to Caleb’s words, shifting around Veth as it begins to mold to the spell’s commands. Essek feels a hum beneath his skin as dunamantic energy begins to spark at his fingers - responding to whatever magic Caleb is drawing out, responding to this new magic that they are witnessing for the first time.

An arcane web of energy begins to weave around the trough that has now melted shut to encase Veth completely, and Caleb moves his hand over it, gathering some of the threads before bringing his hand down, intending for the magic to pierce the clay and thus merge Veth with her new form - but the energy freezes in the air.

Caleb pulls back, attempting from a new angle, but it stops again - and this time Essek can see it, can see an inky swell of matter counter the blue of Caleb’s arcane threads. Caleb shakes his head, eyes narrowing, going in for a third time before the darkness pushes back.

There’s a loud crack as the clay fractures before shattering, and it's a split second reaction for Essek to throw out a burst of dunamantic energy that slows the clay that flies towards Caleb, an instinct to protect him from whatever was about to happen.

Then they’re all shielding their eyes as a bright light flares through the room as the spell fails, and where Veth once was in the clay she’s now encased by shadow. Caleb staggers back, looking up at nothing before he turns to Veth with fear in his eyes as the shadow recedes and there she remains - still in her goblin form, completely unchanged, save for the terror that mirrors Caleb’s and that makes Essek’s chest seize with worry over what went wrong.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was sad girl hours since it was just a rollercoaster of excitement in getting the spell figured out to immediately sadness about the inevitability of Nott leaving :((( like Caleb really broke my heart this fic but hey, its an important note to hit on and it allows for lots of delving into character thoughts, which always makes me super excited to do!!
> 
> I hope you guys liked my - super briefly shown - oc, Nathrae, idk I just wanted to imagine a bit of the domestic situation in Essek's home, and I was also happy to bring Echo Essek back :))) after his little moment with Jester all those fics ago I was like I gotta figure out when he'll come back and this was it !! I know unseen servant isn’t concentration so the echo should have just disappeared after casting it but idk I just wanted it to be there too, so lets pretend that echoes can also last for the duration of non concentration spells
> 
> Also, just a little behind the scenes of my notes for last fic from this episode since this episode in particular really got to me: 48:00 “I’m thankful to have met you” T.T bruh what, “Do you ever get lonely in your solitude”, “I didn’t think so, until recently” BRUH WHAT...1:22:00 Essek’s attention baaaack on Caleb
> 
> anyway, stay safe you guys, I plan to be back as soon as possible with the next fic!! We're getting so close to the latest episode, and gang, not gonna lie, the closer we get the astronomically more excited I get because AHHH EPISODE 97!!! THE BITCH THAT SPARKED THIS WHOLE SERIES
> 
> thank you guys so much for reading!!! I really hope you guys liked this fic and I'll see you all soon!!
> 
> this fic was inspired by:  
> Stone to Clay | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 91 - 3:08:10 - 3:54:20


End file.
